Honestly, What Have I Done?

dietdrWhen starting this story of my journey and experiences in Belize, I promised I would be honest and transparent. Not only would I write about the good, unique, and humorous but also the heartache and sadness I feel. Yes, it is true I am living a life many only dream about. As with most things, this dream has some downsides. Here is a link to information about the country and some of the fallacies we have encountered are corrected.  Enjoy, the site provides some reasons the answer to, “Why Belize?” was a resounding yes for us, in spite of my current struggles.

darkchocolateI really miss chocolate and Diet Dr. Pepper. I really miss my job! I miss familiarity and routine. I miss shivering. I miss our church family and wish we had gone to family camp. I miss our grandchildren. I miss clean stores. I miss frozen fruit. I miss cold water out of the tap to cool my hands. It’s amazing but cold water over my hands cooled my whole body. I miss milk. I miss a guide on my TV and on-demand. How can I record TV without a cable DVR? Doesn’t seem like it should be difficult but a solution appears beyond me at this time. We have gotten used to watching programs when we want to watch them, not when they are aired. How’s that for spoiled?

mosquitocoilI hate bugs and there are icky mosquitos, ants, and one giant cockroach so far! However, we did start burning a “mosquito coil” on the pack porch and that seems to be helping as there have been no more bites for this, the fourth day. I sprayed our window sill in the kitchen above the sink with deet, that seems to have stopped the ants.

I am lonely and disconnected. Like I am just floating along on the warm Caribbean breeze without destination or care. There are no commitments as no one is expecting me. I am not part of…I’m just here. A wise friend of mine said in a recent email,”You do have something to do: serve God and your husband.” I must confess, I’m not sure how to go about those tasks. That horrible word “patience” seems to keep cropping into my thoughts. For those who know me, well that just isn’t my strong suit. However, it seems like the good Lord might want me to learn some. I don’t want anyone to misunderstand, yes, I “feel” like running home. However, I am absolutely certain God wants our family here, now, in this moment.

Don’t get the wrong idea, there are things to do. We aren’t completely settled in our home and the home is not as clean as is our usual routine. Pictures are stacked on the table rather than hanging on the walls. Dogs need some home grooming care. Exercise! Yes, I should get some. There are two twin beds that could be put together as a king so we would be more comfortable sleeping. However, that means lots of work. Furniture needs moved around, a twin bed bridge and bed connector purchased as well as all of the necessary bedding. It doesn’t sound like a lot when I look at it written down, but to try and move in 90 plus heat with a humidity level of I don’t know what, well it becomes an overwhelming task. As I review this post prior to posting, we did put the twins together and WOW, much more comfortable for all of us at night!

I never feel dry, unless an air-conditioned environment is handy and live in fear of our first electric bill because electricity is super expensive, being generated by diesel engines. I can almost hear those engines when we turn on the A/C. My skin always feels sticky and there is never a “good hair day.”

20150805_170158The rainy season was supposed to have started around June 1 bringing cooler temperatures. We have had a few sprinkles and one 20 minute hard rain since we’ve been here. It was night, the noise woke me as it was not a sound to which I had grown accustomed. I went to the window to watch. Ah, the rain smelled so good! Clean! The breeze had stopped, all I could hear was the pounding of the rain. As suddenly as it started, it stopped. A gentle breeze came through the window and brushed my cheeks. I could smell each individual plant, then their scents gently combined creating the most fabulous perfume I hope to smell again soon.

One thought on “Honestly, What Have I Done?

  1. Hi Renae and Mike, It sounds like you are slowly adjusting to your new normal. It seems like when God calls people to a new place or anointing in a particular area, it always has a waiting period. You will know what to do and when to do it. So far, downsizing and moving to a faraway land has been very bold steps of faith. Prayers that you will adjust and fully rely on God as you follow your heart to love the Lord and love people in Jesus fashion. Blessings to you. Diane King

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